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Renovating the Perceived Definition of Sexual Fulfillment

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Whether you call it “Pre-Cana,” “Marriage Prep,” or “Checkin’ a box,”  the experience gets mixed reviews. Many of us who are married wish there was a “Part 2” version that extends into the first few years. You know- after you become aware of how specifically you suck at applying all you’ve learned… 

Do you remember trying to be introspective about yourself and your future spouse, but wondering “how can I possibly know this yet?” There are plenty of important topics to discuss prior to marriage, but there is so much more learning to take place once we begin to put married love into practice daily. I think we can all agree that we will always be students of the Sacrament and each other.

Well, Chris and I get to take part in that “Part 2” extended course quite frequently.

Right before our 5th Wedding Anniversary, we hopped onto the Marriage Prep Mentor Training Express when friends of ours asked us to prepare them for marriage. It wasn’t something we had previously considered, but ultimately we agreed that this was one of the many unexpected ways God would make us fertile as a couple (#biologicallyinfertile). The program we chose to be trained in was the same one we used as an engaged couple. I am always embarrassed to admit that I barely remembered any of it.

About two years and three couples later, it has made a palpable difference in our marriage. In preparation for each night with our engaged couples (6-7 nights per couple), we thoroughly study several extremely useful tools for good communication and conflict resolution, effects of family of origin in our lives and relationships, marriage expectations, sex & theology of the body, moral decision making, and the graces of the Sacrament! I mean, seriously, all married couples should do this.

Marriage actually started to make sense once we got the user manual. I’m not sure if the individual nights are better for the engaged couple or us because we have actual marriage experience to draw from.

Now ask me what has been the most rewarding and fulfilling aspect of all these refresher courses. Drumroll please… “What is depth of sexual intimacy?” Alex.

We don’t talk about “Sex and Sexuality” until night 5! This blew my mind initially, but it makes sense to build a firm foundation before unpacking a topic of such importance. We dig into it only after the couple begins to understand:

1)      The unique family of origin of themselves and their future spouse, and how combining these two differently-shaped experiences affects/will affect their own relationship (finances, sex, religion, conflict resolution, etc.)

2)      Individual marriage expectations and how they compare to authentically living out the Sacrament: phases of romance, disillusionment, and true joy

3)      Nearly every couple’s #1 relationship goal: good communication & conflict resolution (we break these up into 2 nights)

In order to fully experience sex in all of its amazing glory, we have to get into the mind of the one who created it. This means also getting into the mind and heart of our beloved. In “Night 5” we learn that God designed sex for two equally important purposes- to unite husband and wife and to be open to life. Now think about what it means to be fully united.

Siri defines unity as “the state of being…joined as a whole…forming a complete and pleasing whole…the number one…”

We can’t be whole if we leave out any part of ourselves- that includes emotions, fertility, interests, fears, etc. The more we share ourselves with our spouse, the more we make room for them within ourselves, and the more we understand them, the more we become one with them. The physical unity of sex is merely part of the picture and will only by merely satisfying without the other pieces of the one we love. Our experience of good sex often develops over time as our relationships deepen.

Sexual intimacy is only limited by our own willingness to dive into the whole person of our spouse.

Making this gift of ourselves complete also means that until we promise forever at the altar, the gift of ourselves is not irrevocable. And because we can’t make a total gift of ourselves if we withhold our fertility from our spouse, God designed each couple (generally speaking) with both days of fertility and infertility so that we can choose which days to use for sex, depending on our intentions, and with input from the big guy himself, of course.

Here is the dilemma! Sex is very good. Yet he asks many of us to “just say no” at certain times because of that whole “unity” thing. I don’t have to tell you how hard and frustrating it can be to choose to abstain. However, I don’t believe for a moment that God’s design for our bodies and plan for marriage was created to be burdensome. 

 

Love does often require sacrifice, but there is a difference between a burden and the redemption of self-giving sacrifice. Let’s look more closely at God’s intelligent design that was intended to bring us freedom rather than weighing us down.

I often like to quote Spiderman’s grandfather as he said: “With great power comes great responsibility.” God consistently teaches us how to be responsible with our gift of sexuality and its connection to the gift of new life. A lot of us in Catholic culture tend to unintentionally view marriage as a finish line which, once reached, finally unhinges the gates which have been struggling to hold back sexual passion for years. But marriage is really more of another starting point which gives us both power and responsibility to keep the gift intact; to exercise our ability to choose sex rather than simply giving in to it. 

With this permanent commitment, God rejoices in the two becoming one in passionate and exciting union -the total and irrevocable gift of self- but He loves us too much (and knows us too well) to allow us to be primarily focused on that sexual union and dilute the value of sexual self-control.

 

Tell me more about the intimacy, woman!

Despite what our culture constantly tells us, sex is not a need. It is very good, but it is not required to feel intimately satisfied by our spouse.

Emotional intimacy is discussed early on in marriage prep because it is such an important component of a fulfilling marriage. Lloyd and Jan Tate (creators of our marriage prep program and resident marriage all stars) explain that:

“The depth and openness of communication set the pulse of the marriage relationship.” and that “the sexual relationship is not a separate and distinct aspect of your marriage; it is an extension of your whole relationship and an expression of your unity and intimacy…intended to be a celebration of the emotional and spiritual intimacy the couple is experiencing in ALL aspects of their relationship.”

Wow. 

Therefore, if the sexual relationship of the couple is unfulfilling in any way, it is likely that the discrepancy is not coming from the bedroom, but stemming from the other areas of the home where good and thorough, soul-to-soul communication is falling short. In other words: the better the emotional and spiritual intimacy, the better the sex…and I would venture to say, the more fulfilling the waiting period.

And I imagine that is not how sex was described to you as a teenager.

Sexual contact is a celebration of the whole person – not just one’s genitals – and it includes emotional and spiritual intimacy and much more, the good and the bad experiences taking place in every room – not just the bedroom. See “Bubbles Over Butterflies”  for a personal example of just how fulfilling sexual intimacy can be outside of the context of intercourse.

Communication and expressing feelings is far easier for some than others- but mostly just hard for everyone. We have to consider families of origin, deep wounds, traumas, different personalities, and many other contributing factors that make it difficult to understand our own emotions much less share these intimate details with our spouse. It is not something we always want to do, but it is vital to a fulfilling marriage. 

It is vital to growth in unity. It is often easier to be distant or distracted, to focus on fun activities, and to have sex. But sex is so much more than simply a physical act. Married couples share their entire selves- emotions, fertility, and spirituality included – when having fun between the sheets. 

 

Maybe there’s a method to His madness

So God has intentionally created us to avoid intercourse at certain times within our married life and for really good reason. It is during these times that He invites us to focus our attention on our spouse’s heart, mind, soul, etc. 

Reconnect on other levels

Learn or remember each other’s love languages and fill your spouse’s love tank

Pray together

Discover new things about each other

Express your gratitude and build up your spouse for who they are

Discuss that thing that’s difficult or painful that you’ve been meaning to talk about 

Discover affirming touch versus arousal touch

Find a different way to please your spouse

Get creative! 

Don’t expect it to be the same kind of enjoyment- it’s not supposed to be. But expect it to enrich that other kind of enjoyment. And we don’t have to stop reconnecting on these other levels when we are having sex. We can never stop growing in unity with our spouse. 

What a gift it is that God gives us this occasional nudge so that we won’t forget the whole person of whom we have married! NFP doesn’t have to be a negative experience of focusing our attention on something we cannot do, but a positive expression of the ongoing commitment to love; a consistent investment into our beloved and our marriage!

Although I don’t fully understand the burden of this particular sacrifice of abstaining within marriage, I do understand sacrifice and suffering. There can be many blessings of infertility if we are open to them, but the ability to have intercourse at almost any time is not necessarily one of them. We, too, have to make a special effort to grow in unity, and our particular sacrifice has been vital for me personally to be able to do that. 

The decision to love is often a very difficult one, but it brings us closer together and closer to Christ without fail. So live it up! Delight in each other in each and every way possible, love languages included, and don’t leave any of the rooms of the house left out (insert wink face here). Double entendre intended.

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If you’re interested in continuing the conversation with some honest Catholic girl chat on the topic, listen to this episode from my podcast @MessyBuns by clicking this link: “Dating, Marriage, and Sexy Sex” 

 

Many months ago, a woman wrote into an extremely popular and credible Catholic question and answer podcast frustrated about her feelings of guilt and confusion when daily conversing with her husband and praying about avoiding another pregnancy. She was struggling specifically because she was having difficulty identifying her days of fertility and infertility with her continuous mucus.

The woman explained that she had been married for 8 years, has 4 children, and has had several miscarriages. She was using the Creighton Model System with yellow stamps, which she had not yet mastered, and had a history of low progesterone (hence the miscarriages) which required her to use supplementation to sustain her last 3 pregnancies. She sought spiritual advice and direction.

This episode welcomed a very good and pretty well known Catholic professional guest (whose expertise is outside the realm of Fertility Awareness) who had the task of answering the questions in this particular hour. Before he gave her the spiritual advice, this is what he said:

“Practically speaking, the Creighton Method of Fertility Awareness, or Natural Family Planning, only looks at mucus signs as the metric to be able to determine a woman’s fertility. Remember, a woman is only fertile 7-9 days…And so I would say to certainly continue to talk to your Creighton Practitioner, but at the same time, maybe explore other options– the symptothermal method looks at the mucus signs as well as the basal body temperature and maybe having another metric data point to be able to see if your fertility would help there…

…so you’re not just relying solely on mucus, which the gift of Creighton is that it has as a sophisticated way of being able to determine and evaluate mucus signs to see if its fertile or infertile, but if you only have that and you have a lot of that…then I would say you have to look at other data points (methods) as well to be able to determine your fertility…”

Although I very much appreciate his use of the term “Fertility Awareness” in addition to NFP and his encouragement to speak to her Practitioner, there are multiple problems with this response:

• The message implied about the Creighton Model (and in some part about Sympto-thermal) is inaccurate; wrong
• The message was delivered to a large amount of people
• It highlights the problem holding back the progression of NFP/Fertility Awareness in the Church

Like any other person trained to become a Creighton Practitioner would have heard it, those words hit my ears like the hood of a car ugly crashing into a Lamborghini. In slow motion. There are countless women successfully using Creighton to chart continuous mucus, some of which are my own clients. Research has shown that there is a very distinct change that occurs in mucus during the time of fertility. It takes some work, but women can be taught to confidently distinguish this change using the Creighton Model.

That being said, it is true that the same method doesn’t fit into everyone’s personality and lifestyle. It is good for each woman/couple to research individual methods to find the one that works best for them. It is also good for those who are not trained in specific methods to avoid giving such details about things they don’t understand- especially when so many people are listening.

The other problem with this inaccuracy is that the woman shared that she has confirmed low progesterone (which any trained instructor will agree can cause infertility or miscarriage) and needed supplementation. The Creighton Model is the only method with a medical extension (NaProTechnology) supplying the added benefit of a physician or nurse practitioner who can read a Creighton chart, draw blood during the appropriate time of the cycle to confirm hormonal abnormalities, and prescribe bio-identical progesterone. How might a change in method affect her ability to supplement time targeted Progesterone?

I sent a friendly email to the podcast to simply alert them of the inaccuracies and many months later, no corrections were issued. I sent another friendly email to the guest who made the comments and he received my corrections kindly, but excused them because he had discussed his answer with an “NFP-only doctor” prior to recording the show. (Because a doctor does not prescribe birth control does not mean that he or she understands the depths of each individual method. When looking for information on a specific method, ask a trained professional in that method.)

I felt hurt and, honestly, rejected by 2 people who represent the Church -publicly- in some form or fashion. For me, this went beyond false information about a specific method and continuous mucus, serving as a painful reminder of my path to infertility. As most of you know, I experienced about 12 years of physical pain before getting diagnosed with endometriosis at age 24, ultimately rendering me infertile. Women’s health is an essential aspect of Natural Family Planning (I prefer the more encompassing term of Fertility Awareness) for all women of reproductive age and although it transcends religion, the Catholic Church has been one of the few (if not the only) organizations to consistently encourage its use, and has had a responsibility to do so, but its efforts have been extremely limited within the context of the fullness of what NFP/Fertility Awareness is and has to offer.

 

BUILDING A BRIDGE

The Creighton Model and NaProTechnology were born more than 30 years ago, inspired by Pope Paul VI himself. I am a cradle Catholic whose family was very active in church at least weekly, meeting multiple different priests and Catholic professionals, and not one time did anyone counsel me on my options for fertility awareness to relieve pain and preserve fertility. My experience has motivated me to improve education and increase exposure to authentic and restorative women’s healthcare that will improve outcomes and quality of life for women, but also help us to appreciate God’s design and plan for our lives. In 2019, my message of concern and truth of Fertility Awareness was ignored by multiple different Catholic professionals.

If we desire and expect to effectively communicate the infinite beauty of Christ Himself through our church, we have to pay closer attention- especially those who hold the attention of such a vast audience. Understanding the morality of contraception and IVF and making decisions which reflect that is crucial to every human, Catholic or not, leader or not. The beauty of fertility awareness is that the science, benefits, and practicality exist whether the morality is understood or not, thereby making it an excellent bridge into deeper communion with Christ and His Church. If leaders and professionals in our Church hope to keep birth control on the shelves and out of our homes (for the good of each individual), a deeper and more encompassing understanding of Fertility Awareness must by embraced.

The language of the body goes beyond the act of intercourse itself and is intrinsic to the daily understanding of the health of each individual woman. The intricacies and beauty of God’s designs are limitless. A couple is more likely to effectively continue using a method of Natural Family Planning if they understand each method well and have found the one that fits them best, and if a woman/couple understands their quality medical and surgical alternatives.

This is good news. It is an honor that God has communicated such beauty and hope to us and has done so in large part through the Catholic Church. And like Peter Parker says in Spiderman: “With great power comes great responsibility.” It is crucial for Catholic professionals to understand morality, but it does not guarantee an understanding of science. There is hope to marry the two (understanding of both morality and science)! I believe the professionals I encountered are very good and are making a positive impact in their fields, even at many times when it comes to Fertility Awareness. As with my own expertise, there is always room for improvement. Many of peoples’ initial impressions of NFP will be from Catholic leaders and professionals. Let’s give them information that is accurate, and let’s be excited about it!

 

 

 

My husband and I love fruit. He even likes fruit for dessert. I would hardly classify a bowl of strawberries “dessert,” but pour some sugar, chocolate, and whipped cream on it and you’ve got yourself a sweet treat! The thing we get made fun of for the most is our love for pineapples. We’ll eat them fresh off the tree, sprinkled all over our pizza, or even grilled up and tossed on our hamburgers! Weird? Maybe. But yum? Yes. There is no shortage of fruit in the Bruno house, but some may not agree…

Read the rest here via Surprised by Marriage.

Some of my super powers are obviously making coffee, choosing the right gifs for texting emphasis, and watching TV. Ok I’m kidding. My actual favorite super power is rapping. I hope you understand how silly it feels to write that sentence, but really [Insert serious face]: this time I’m serious. The fact that this is so unexpected and still so surprising even to me (I mean, look at my picture) is an indication of God’s jaw-dropping, world-changing creativity. Our super powers are not distributed according to our upbringing, skin color or appearance, age, family traits, or parental approval and expectations. I unknowingly allowed these details about myself to hold me back, judging my gifts into submission because why would this conservative white girl possess that ability? I know, try not to laugh. But eventually I turned 25, was getting married, and my then soon-to-be husband and I were aiming to shake up our first dance with something fun and unique- so naturally we chose to rap an original song. I accidentally mustered up enough braveness to tap into this gift. Completely unaware of my talent but driven by heart, I dared to type some creativity into my iPhone notepad and was dumbfounded at how easily and naturally letters and spaces combined to form some pretty cool rhymes. Yes, this both confused and thrilled our wedding guests.

After the mic drop at the end of our song, my rapping fun was over and I put my gifts back on the shelf because again, what was I gonna do with them? Years passed. We began to accept that we were going to have to deal with some pretty complicated stuff. Infertility was hitting us hard and not withholding any punches. But this would force me to recognize that God created me for more than having children. He gave me some of His talent, which would serve no one by sitting on a shelf. Those buried gifts were getting antsy. They silently teamed up with passion, pain, and self-expression and began banging at the door of my heart until I could no longer ignore it.

I was Peter Parker gettin’ bitten by a spider
Who was pushin’ fierce venom through the veins of this fighter
I pulled myself up and tossed my pride in the can
So I could be unleashed and find my inner Spiderman
Before the bite I was just tryin’ to survive
Then what should’ve killed me actually made me come alive

I needed to explore my creativity and express these new emotions in a way that I could not only feel and connect with, but that I hoped would help others who understand pain as well. Like water through a shiny new faucet, the words began to flow. Before I knew it, I had written a hook and three impressive verses that cleverly combined faith, humor, and pain to paint a picture of what it means to suffer victoriously. I called it “Battle Wounds” to reflect how my 11 physical scars from multiple surgeries have become a consistent reminder of where I have been and how God has made me strong.

Sooo what do you do when you create something with such power and beauty? Naturally, you save it to your computer and don’t show anyone for years. Again, my demons of self-doubt and lack of confidence kept “Battle Wounds” in the dark until one day when my closest friend and fellow infertility warrior, Elise, was over at my house and unknowingly encouraged me to bring it into the light. Elise has always been more open minded than me. She has the ability to think and act outside of the box, see the beauty in everyone, and love them where they are. In the most randommest (a word? Not sure) of moments and after digging through years of files to find them, I showed her my lyrics. I couldn’t watch as she read them. Was she going to confirm what I feared? That I was silly to do something so weird? I was shocked when she expressed how truly impressed she was with my writing and even more shocked that she didn’t appear to be lying to make me feel better. 

After several rounds of her convincing me that she was being honest, a spark was ignited inside of me. She didn’t judge my talent by considering what I look like, how I talk, or what I should or should not be doing with my time. Her own potential insecurities did not hold her back. She saw goodness in me and affirmed me. It was so simple! And that tiny bit of encouragement gave me the confidence I needed to push the edges of the box I was comfortably living in. And the timing couldn’t have been better. Not long afterwards, I worked a retreat Elise and her hubs brilliantly organized. They flew in an experienced rapper (go find Oscar TwoTen!) to give a talk and headline a concert on Saturday afternoon.

On the morning of the concert I just happened to walk past Oscar and he shocked me as he kindly spoke words to me (I am shy and generally/never initiate convos with strangers or even non-strangers), expressing that his wife was a fan of me (ME?!) because of my “Taking Back the Terms” outreach. My newfound confidence was responsible for making words come out of my mouth: “Really?! Thank you! I am a fan of yours. (here it comes….) I’m a rapper too!” I can only imagine what was running through his mind as I chewed on the not-so-tasty fact that I could not put the words back into my mouth and as he stared at someone who looks like me and just referred to herself as a rapper. But to my complete surprise, the words did not make him run away, but intrigued and even excited him? He literally said: “Really?! Do. You. Want. To. Do. Something. With. Me. On. Stage?” (He didn’t stop after each word. I just heard it in slow motion.) My heart pounded. The spark grew. And as I shared the second verse of “Battle Wounds” with him to prepare for our performance, he, too; a stranger experienced in his field, affirmed me, and watered (for the second time) the seeds of passion and talent God planted inside of me so that I could finally sprinkle it into the world.

Rapping and performing was never a dream. It is still not a dream. It is something I can now confidently say that I was created to do- to glorify God, express my joy and pain, and help others. It is something I will do even if no one else wants to listen. Elise, Will (her hubs), Oscar, my husband Chris, and my other close friend Julianne are all my little superheroes. Their honest encouragement and coaching has given me confidence and motivated me to push myself and truly improve in my craft. I have now written 5 solo songs and 2 collaborations with Oscar which will be recorded soon. 

I believe some of our biggest limiting factors are our own self-confidence, lack of awareness/imagination, and freedom to explore our creativity- perceived or in reality! I also think one of the most significant factors in making or breaking any of those last 3 special ingredients is our support system: family, friends, and respected acquaintances- sidekicks. I haven’t conducted any research or anything, but I’ve noticed that a very large majority (if not every single one) of hopefuls on shows like The Voice and American Idol that showcase the whole background of a contestant, are backed by an incredibly passionate support system and it is really quite beautiful. This always strikes me. It makes sense that it is those of us who are surrounded by such reassurance that are able to develop our crafts to the extent of being displayed on some of the biggest of stages. One fashion designer mother of a young woman singing for a “4 chair turn” believed in her singer/songwriter daughter so much that she designed and created a stunning dress out of fabric scattered with the lyrics to one of her songs. It is no wonder we need our sidekicks to excel and become the best versions of ourselves. Whether we “make it” or not, we understand that we are loved and valued, and begin to fly.

My friend Elise’s favorite quote is from Mark Twain: “Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great.” We all have insecurities and occasionally feel small. It can be hard to build others up when we fear it will highlight our own weaknesses, real or perceived. But our “super powers” are not supposed to all be the same. Someone else’s excellence cannot diminish our own and internalizing this will help us support one another. Even if we choose to ignore or insult the spark in our loved ones or acquaintances, our value remains the same. The extent to which we are able to acknowledge the beauty in others may be a measure of our character, but not a measure of our worth. When we can love ourselves for exactly who we are, we have no problem helping our people shine. We have to make the choice to be the one someone needs to see the goodness inside of them and affirm. Be someone’s sidekick and help them recognize and utilize their own super powers. I think this is one super power that is common to us all- to bring out the best in people. When we flex this super muscle, we become our Creator’s sidekick and contribute to the ongoing construction of our captivating world. And don’t worry, I will continue to make coffee taste as little like coffee as possible and maintain my stellar ability to watch TV.

After my husband puts Bella down for the night and when he isn’t falling asleep (because that’s what usually happens when he finally sits down), we watch our TV shows together. Some of our favorites are The Voice, Shark Tank, World of Dance, America’s Got Talent, etc. We like non-reality shows too, but these are easy to wind down to. Between the two of us, I’m the real professional TV show watcher. Chris is a rare breed who when not working finds his peace and relaxation through building things; projects that involve some type of wood and tools. Lots of manly tools. That make noise (thus the falling asleep when he sits down). My brain requires mindless relaxation through TV story time to wind down. Frequently. With coffee. The coffee thing is new for me. I didn’t start drinking it regularly until only a couple of months ago because one little detail about it held me back: it tastes like coffee. But with enough flavored creamer and sugar in it, you can get that coffee taste out and it actually tastes kind of good. It can even wake you up and give you a boost of energy. Who knew?

I don’t need the help waking up as much as my husband. For good reason even without his strange method of relaxing (he wakes up at what I call the middle of the night to go to work), it makes perfect sense that he is tired. But even when living tired, it is incredible to see what one can accomplish when allowing our God-given gifts to reach their fullest potential. Jennifer Fulwiler gives the most amazing explanation of this phenomenon in her book “One Beautiful Dream.” Have I read the book? No. That would require reading, and like drinking coffee requires tasting coffee (until I get my hands on it!), reading requires… well, reading. But at the Abide Women’s Conference I heard her give a fascinating talk that was based on this book and it rocked my world. She refers to these unique gifts God gives us as our “blue flame.” It is that thing that we LOVE to do and keeps our fire burning; it actually gives us energy! It is something that we could easily get lost in, doing it for hours without feeling time pass. The coolest part is that many times we don’t even realize what our gifts are or how good we are at performing said task because we assume that anyone could do it. But not anyone can do what God gifted you the ability to do. He has designed us each very specifically with abilities, our own little super powers, to serve a purpose- to make the world better and point us all back towards Him.

1 Corinthians 12:12, 18-21, 27: “27 Now you are the body of Christ, and each one of you is a part of it. 18 But in fact God has placed the parts in the body, every one of them, just as he wanted them to be. 19 If they were all one part, where would the body be? 20 As it is, there are many parts, but one body. 21 The eye cannot say to the hand, “I don’t need you!” And the head cannot say to the feet, “I don’t need you!” 12 Just as a body, though one, has many parts, but all its many parts form one body, so it is with Christ.”

I look at the pieces Chris creates with his hands and am often amazed; speechless. He might disagree, but I think the process begins in his heart. He identifies a need in our home (inside or outside) and desires to not only bring that to life, but to make it beautiful, with quality deserving of the people it will serve. His heart then delivers the ideas to his brain, which transforms them into plans. This is where the real impressive handiwork begins- before he even lifts a finger. His brain is able to compute numbers and angles in a way that is foreign to me. When addressed with the same numbers and angles, my brain would just stare at a wall or pass out. But God was very generous when creating Chris, giving him these abilities in abundance, allowing him to perform almost any task he is able to dream up, from his heart to his mind to his hands to our home. One of the many beauties of this situation is that although building, etc. brings him great joy, Chris doesn’t do these things for himself. He wants to provide what is best for us and every other person we welcome into our home, hoping it will be many! He is also very generous in helping others with his abilities, sprinkling his gifts out into the world and allowing God to work through them. We don’t have to realize this is happening in order for God to work through us in these creative ways. We just have to be open and use the gifts He gives us. Just like Fulwiler predicted, I suspect Chris is unaware of his talent. About a week ago after getting lost in the beauty of something he created for our home, I said to him “You did a really amazing job. Do you know how talented and gifted you are?” He replied “Nah, anybody could do that- if they did some research…” After I stuck my eyeballs back into my head and picked my jaw up off the floor, I delighted in the abilities of God and in how generous He is to share some of His super powers with us, including us mere humans in the ongoing construction of a captivating world.

But we have to open our eyes and step into our power suits. We have to say yes to Him and be brave and bold enough to see His beauty within ourselves to unlock our potential- exactly what we witness as we watch hundreds of inspired, determined, and incredibly gifted humans do on TV shows like The Voice, Shark Tank, World of Dance, Project Runway, American Idol, and more. Here we see the human spirit soar as it fights against adversity, takes hold of its super powers, and dares to sprinkle some of God’s talent into the world. Although it is very good to use our gifts, balance is also very important. We have to be in constant discernment regarding priorities and time spent on various endeavors as we flex our super muscles. But what fuels us? What holds us back? What pushes us over the edge so that we can begin to fly? Stay tuned for part 2 as I reveal what I believe to be our super power sidekicks…