It is our last day in Omaha and it has been quite the journey. We’ve never had a 15 day “vacation” quite like this, but you do what you have to. It is hard to recognize what grace is until God freely gives it to you to experience. Several people have told me they don’t know how I could have done all this and been through so many surgeries because they couldn’t have done it. I likely would have said the same thing, but I always respond: You do what you have to. And you would have done it too.
However….the enemy doesn’t want you to know there are options. He doesn’t want you to know that you will do what you have to, not on your own power, but because God gives you the grace. We are unfortunately surrounded by a culture of death which is cleverly disguised as a culture of “ease” and “Oh you have pain? Your only option is the pill,” and “We’ll do everything we can to save your uterus, BUT…” and “Yes, we do the exact same type of surgery here” and “No, birth control does not increase your chance of cancer…” All phrases which I have been told by numerous doctors which put me in this position 10 years later.
I have respect for our doctors and I know a lot of them work hard and do truly desire to do what is best for us as women-…if they would only remove their blinders. Women: I am not referring to the moral issue of birth control. I am referring to the fact that it has become an easy, universal Band-Aid, that doctors put over our wounds and our wombs without even trying to understand or fix the underlying problem so that years pass and more damage is done. Do you understand that most of the time doctors prescribe birth control is because they don’t know what else to do or don’t take the time to find out? Do you understand that doctors make a nice chunk of change for doing in vitro fertilization ~$15,000? Let’s stop accepting this treatment. Demand that your doctor understand your body better or demand another doctor.
There were 3 doctors in my 8 hour robotic surgery last week. Three doctors that cared enough to understand my body and were patient enough to deal with the underlying issue that they took 8 hours to fix me! And then 9 days later, their efforts were continued through another 1 hour surgery which re enforced their original efforts! I was told for the second time that had I had this surgery any where else, there was no doubt in their minds that the other doctor would have just removed everything: uterus, ovaries, and tubes, because the damage was so significant. This I knew to be the truth because I heard the words myself from my first doctor in New Orleans- “I am going to do everything I can to save your uterus and ovaries, but if I get in there and it is too bad, I will have to remove it…” Add insult to injury when she had me sign a paper allowing her to do just that. (I know better now.) He did not say it in a condescending way towards the other doctors. He simply added that they feel they are helping you because by removing those organs they will be removing your pain.
But what about my ability to invite life to grow inside of me, God willing? My doctor from last week said after hours of carefully removing scar tissue from my whole tube, they were so pleased to find the fimbria at the end of it “opened like a flower, undamaged.” And my other doctor would’ve been content to just throw it away without even knowing that there was life to find underneath what appeared to be a lost cause? This clearly communicates the difference between the culture of death and the culture of life. As stated in my first blog, I have felt that my body has been attacking my own fertility, giving me a womb that was dying a slow and painful death. By the grace of God, it was miraculously not too late for me. I found the right doctors who asked the right questions and transformed my insides and fertility, giving me the possibility and hope to grow new life! Although it has not been without suffering and difficulty physically and emotionally, and there is still more to come, I know that my womb; my femininity; my womanhood has experienced victory over death. I hope desperately that other women and doctors will be able to experience the same thing.