For those who haven’t experience the feelings associated with infertility, the worst part of the month starts way before the dreaded beginning of another period. It starts in the middle of the month. No matter how incredibly hard you try to not think about it, you cannot help but think about it. If not in the forefront, it is in the background. It’s like the elephant in the room, but in your brain. As God continues to mold me through this journey, and as I continue to ask Him to show me how to find the peace that will erase the stress of this constant thought, this is where He has brought me. I can hopefully begin to show the elephant to the door.
It’s very hard to find peace in waiting, no matter how hard you try. The only way I have come a step closer to finding it is by realizing that the peace comes in resolving to be content regardless of our outcome- whether we get what we want or not, knowing that God knows best. He does far better than we would by laying it out ourselves, as we cannot see the big picture…
Sometimes it is necessary for a doctor to reset a fracture- break (or re-break) a bone and reset it to fix the problem. Sometimes a child needs to be forced to do his homework or go to school. We are ok with these seemingly cruel plans because we see the big picture. Who am I to say that it is not necessary for me to go through this in order for God to bring me towards the greater good of myself? He sees the big picture. I can only see today. Thankfully, I have a wonderful, magnificent, and loving Father who desires the absolute best for me, and cares enough to see to it that I get there despite myself.
This is not me accepting infertility as a sentence. This is me accepting God’s plan for me today, and whether it means fertility or infertility. This doesn’t mean I don’t get sad or that Mother’s Day was easy. It doesn’t mean I don’t struggle or don’t still have a lot of growing to do. It also doesn’t mean I won’t get pregnant one day. But it does give me peace.
“The Lord is my shepherd; there is nothing I shall want.” (Psalm 23: 1-2)
Mary G Bruno 
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