Mary G Bruno

I had a conversation about the emotional issue of abortion with several women recently that revealed something very interesting to me. One woman chimed in on the discussion to share that she had an abortion in her early 20s because raising a child meant she would have to move back into her parents’ abusive household where she would be exposed to more stress and trauma (a horrible situation that no one deserves).

Her argument intending to defend the lives of mothers faced with crisis pregnancies hinged on her claim that if she had not had access to the “safe” abortion she was given, she would have most likely killed herself (and the baby).

Because there is another (really, multiple) glaring issue, I’m presently not going to comment on the fact that adoption is an incredibly beautiful and worthwhile alternative to not personally raising a child, regardless of the circumstances. But I want us to take an honest moment to consider where she could have gotten such a notion?  …that it was because of her pregnancy that she would feel a need to end her life??

I assure you that this hopelessness felt by many women in similar and worse situations is not because of the newly conceived baby.

Let’s take a moment to consider the anger, cursing, vulgarity, and talking points being hurled on legislators and others in opposition to abortion, as well as the marketing pictures on TV and social media of emotional women sobbing at the thought that abortion may not be readily available:

1.) “My body, my choice” encourages women to think only of themselves; a concept which is in direct opposition to the definition of love which seeks to put others’ needs before our own. A life lived out of love is NOT easy, but is one of peace and contentment- even within suffering!

2.) “If the procedure isn’t legal, women will die anyway in back alley abortions” influences women to believe that there is no hope for them and dying would be imminent. It says “you are confronted with this difficult reality of pregnancy and you can’t do it. It’s going to be too hard. You don’t have control over yourself. Escape this “problem” at all costs. Even risking your own death.”

3.) “Your child will suffer if given up for adoption or end up in foster care due to lack of funding and too many children in foster care.” Nearly 100% of children in these situations will disagree and are actually very grateful to be alive. Those that disagree have a voice to do so.

Also, we must not forget the lives of the adults/entire families that a birthmother changes by giving them the ability to have a child and by giving the child a loving home. A birthmother is truly heroic, and that alone is a reason to live.

Surely there are people on both sides that communicate in undesirable ways. But I have personally witnessed far more offensive language and anger from those who support abortion. I think the anger is being fostered by fear of the things I just mentioned. But it is no surprise there is so much fear when there is so little encouragement and support for a woman in this particular difficult situation.

This person I had a conversation with expressed to me that she was suicidal and not one of the multiple women claiming to be pro-woman advocates for women’s health publicly stepped up in support of her mental health to suggest that she or anyone having suicidal thoughts may benefit from counseling, etc. No one said that there is never a good reason to end your own life. Was the actual point to make me feel bad or consider changing my mind because a pro-life stance is somehow to blame for a woman facing an unplanned pregnancy and considering suicide? Is it worth affirming this kind of thought process by silence?

Women with crisis pregnancies truly deserve our help and support, but the legality of abortion will not provide such. I believe many pro-abortion women truly intend to help women, but I also think the pro-abortion movement shows its true colors here. It appears as though women in very difficult situations are being used to validate extremes -like taking the life of an unborn child (or even as some believe is a future child)- to attempt to support their objective.

 

Being Authentically Pro-woman

If the good of the woman is truly the focus, why not encourage her and validate her ability to thrive in this difficult situation? If you are an organization that provides abortion, why not provide FREE counseling and ultra sounds? The cost of abortions can surely support it.

Why not tell her she CAN do this thing that is going to be hard? Why not educate her fully about all of her options? Why not educate her on alternatives to birth control that are life affirming? Why not talk to her about the benefits and freedom of sexual self-control?

Why not empower her with knowledge about FABMs (Fertility Awareness Based Methods) so she can begin to appreciate sexual self-control, understand how her body works, and receive the added health benefits? Why not give accurate statistics on effectiveness of FABMs?

Why not explain to her that although many women express feelings of relief immediately after having an abortion, that this often turns into regret and depression as years pass? Why not discuss the increased rate of breast cancer?

Why not spend more time and effort on adoption referrals and education?

It really doesn’t seem to be very much about a woman having a choice now, does it? I’m receiving a message that says: If your pregnancy is unwanted and makes your life hard, no matter the reason why, end it. Take what appears to be an easy way out.

Planned Parenthood, why is there not an “adoption” tab on your website? Also, why is there absolutely nothing about adoption or free counseling anywhere on your website? There is literally an “A-Z Glossary” on your website and “Adoption” is nowhere to be found. What services do you profit from?

 

Where are my choices? Or did you really just want me to know about one of them?

I have a new message for women with unplanned pregnancies who are in very serious/difficult or even not so difficult situations, and I have no financial interest in your decision: First of all- you are loved and valued, even if we disagree very much. You have worth. You are enough. Even if you make the decision I very much hope you won’t. Even if that decision was already carried out.

You are smart and can make your own decisions. But in order to make an empowered decision, you need all of the information and you need it to be accurate. If you don’t want to keep your baby, I completely respect that. I can’t imagine how difficult and scary this process of pregnancy you are anticipating may feel to you. But I know you are strong and that when faced with adversity in the past, you have conquered it, or have at least learned from it and have become a better person.

I believe in you wholeheartedly and I know you can conquer this, too. I also know that you will be grateful you did- so will that brand new life you just brought into the world and will one day be able to make choices of their own. If you don’t want to keep your baby, adoption is also a choice.

If you have no family or friends (and if you do!), there is a free crisis pregnancy center or church near you that will help you. People WANT to help you deliver this baby. They are cheering for you! People are yearning to adopt your baby. You will become their new hero like our birthmother became ours.

You actually do have options, and I hope you choose one that is loving and life giving for yourself and for your new child. You have been blessed with one of the hardest but most incredibly rewarding gifts on the planet- to be a mother. So, be a mother. Even if one of your first decisions as a mother is to gift your child with an adoptive mother. You can do this.

You were actually quite literally created to do this very thing, whether it feels like it right now or not. God bless you.

Our local crisis pregnancy center in New Orleans, the Woman’s New Life Clinic, offers free pregnancy tests, ultra sounds, and professional counseling services including individual pregnancy counseling, post-abortion counseling, adoption awareness counseling, family or couple counseling, miscarriage counseling, and stillbirth counseling. https://womansnewlife.com/services/professional-counseling/

Find your local Crisis Pregnancy Center by going to https://optionline.org/center-locator or by calling 1-800-395-4357.