Mary G Bruno

1/14/14

I’ve been trying to prepare myself without letting my mind wonder too much about what it would mean for our future. Some have told me that they are sure it’s going to be ok, as in I won’t have to lose my uterus. I nod in polite appreciation and acknowledge the hope, as I feel what I feel. My uterus feels hard a lot of the time. When I walk, it feels filled with bricks. I wander how it could possibly hold life. Ironically, there are times when it causes me to waddle as I imagine a pregnant woman might. That’s a cruel joke. But it doesn’t bother me in that way.

I fear he will tell me what I already know.

Then my dad and mom shared with me what yesterday’s and today’s readings were. He explained to me the many women in the Old Testament who were barren and then had children and what it means.  Sarah (Abraham’s wife) was very old when she had Isaac, which in turn was the start of the Jewish nation. Rebecca (Isaac’s wife) eventually had Jacob and Issau. God changed Jacob’s to Israel (Yea, like THE nation).  Rachel (Jacob’s wife) was barren as well until she had 12 sons who later represented the 12 tribes of Israel.  Elizabeth was barren! (thank you Suz) And she had John the Baptist (no explanation needed here). Sampson’s (as in Sampson and Delilah, the one with the golden hair who couldn’t be cut) mother was also barren. The readings yesterday and today were about Hannah.  She went to the temple because she was barren and pleaded/prayed to God to give her a son and promised to “give him to the Lord as long as he lived.” She had a son and named him Samuel. Samuel was the prophet who took Eli’s place. He is the one that was sleeping and God kept calling his name and finally he awoke and said “Here I am Lord. It is I, Lord. I have heard you calling in the night….I have come to do Your Will.”

He further explained that being barren was a sign from God that they were chosen. And when they had children after being barren, it meant that those children had a special responsibility given to them by God.

I hope I am beginning to find meaning in all of this. I would have never come to these realizations on my own. All I need to know is that God has good reason and that is a start. As crazy and stupid as it sounds and as difficult as it has been, I wouldn’t trade this experience. I feel like I have truly experienced life to know what it means to suffer. There is a depth of life at the foot of the cross.